The Jerk


I can feel it. I can feel motivation waning. I was looking in the mirror today and noticed the shape of my body. I noticed the curves and creases and thought, "Ugh, I have so far to go."

I have this voice in my head. I won't call it a still, small voice because it tends to be bellicose and loud, especially when I'm tired. It looks at my weight and judges me to be lazy and undisciplined. It speaks harshly to me about how I'm weak and can't achieve goals I set for myself. Basically, the voice is kind of a jerk.

If you're anything like me, you have your own personal jerk, an unwelcome guest that's constantly criticizing you and telling you you're not enough.

I want to lean into that voice and find out if it's one, truthful and two, helpful.

First, truthful. Is it true that I'm weak, lazy and undisciplined? That's already too broad of a statement and cannot be answered as simply yes or no. Am I weak? Well, compared to body builders that can lift hundreds of pounds, then, yes, if that's the standard then I am weak. But, compared to a 90-year old grandma, I'm pretty strong. So weakness is relative.

Second, am I lazy? Again, it depends on the definition. If the standard is to do everything with 100% maximal effort and my hair on fire, then yes, I am lazy. But if the definition is to try my best and push myself when I cam, I'm definitely not lazy.

Third, am I undisciplined? Surprise, surprise, it's again relative. Every morning when I log onto work, I take 20 minutes to recap yesterday and plan today. That takes discipline. But, do I hit all workout goals and do things even when I don't want to. Well, that gets a little dicey.

I want to focus the scope to the physical. Am I 100% consistent in my workouts? No. Do I eat 100% clean and stay in my calorie budget all the time? No. Do I make my physicality a priority along with my mental and emotional well-being? No. Is their room for improvement? Absolutely.

That brings me to the second part. Is the voice helpful? I want to be in better shape and weigh less. Is it helpful to have someone in my ear, telling me that I'm worthless and will never hit my goal? Does that make me feel motivated and willing to put in the effort to change? Nope. It makes me want to give up. So, no, the voice is not helpful.

Now, I want to also be realistic. Like it or not, there is an objective world that exists apart from my feelings. The scale is a part of that objective world. It provides a number, regardless of how I feel about the number. And this number is telling me that my effort is not aligned with hitting my goal.

This is valuable data. It's telling me that to be effective, I need to make some changes. What the number is not telling me is that I'm worthless. That is a subjective judgment made by the jerk in my head. I can choose to take in the raw data about my weight and choose to ignore the jerk as providing unhelpful words.

So, what changes should I make? Right now, what I feel is the need for some consistency. I have a habit tracker with my coach. I need to clean up and simplify my tracked habits so I can hit 100% daily. I need to get some daily wins. That's my one small thing I can do to improve.

A)l of this points to one thing. While the inner jerk may speak some truth, it's not helpful. And I can choose to frame its negative tone into something positive. Positivity beats negativity every time.

Down 0.2 pounds.

Comments

  1. MeganFebruary 7, 2025 at 5:14 PM

    This is a good one. Sorting out subjective from objective is always tricky. But it’s important

    ReplyDelete

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