Beginning and Ending

I have almost 100 pounds to lose. Well, actually it's about 90 pounds now. Yay for water weight!

This is going to be a long journey. It's already been a long journey. It's taken me 10 years to put on 100 pounds. Prior to that, at one point I lost 60 pounds. It didn't last and I gained it all back amd then some. I've been on and off plans for a number of years now, watching my weight rise and fall. So, what's different this time? They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Am I insane in pursing this goal to lose 100 pounds?

I think the key thing is in the words, "doing the same thing." We are never the same person when we do something twice. We have a different, longer history and hopefully are more knowledgeable the second (or third, fourth, fifth...) time around. I've seen what works in the short term. Now it's time to think about the long term.

Meal Replacements

When I lost 60 pounds, I did it via a structured system of meal replacements. I bought food from a company, parceled out in 200 calorie portions. I ate 6 times a day, which equates to 1200 calories. And the weight definitely came off. I lost my 60 pounds in a little over three months. And I was on top of the world. I couldn't believe how skinny I looked and how light I felt. It was amazing!

Fast forward 6 years and I had put all the weight back on. And why was that? It's because I focused on the weight loss instead of the process. I was fixated on a number and was willing to pursue any means necessary to hit that number, including going into an extreme caloric deficit with processed food.

This program gave me the number but not the habits. As soon as I got off their food, the weight started coming back on. I didn't find their food all that great in terms of taste, so once the number was hit, I had little motivation to keep eating that way. I hadn't learned any habits that were sustainable.

Sustainable Habits

So, here I am with 90 pounds to lose. What's different this time is I'm focused on habits. I still want to hit a number - I actually think it's helpful to have a quantitative measurement (I'll talk about that in a future post). But that's not the end of the story. The number is a means towards healthy habits and a healthy body. If I can instill good processes and methods to food and fitness, I'll have a plan that can carry me 35 years or so.

What does that look like? I'm still dialing it in. One thing that's been helpful with my trainer is that we make small adjustments. And when things get off track, there's a slight nudge to not give up and keep going. Setbacks don't make you a weak person. It makes you human. It's only a failure if you give up. And as long as you're breathing, it's never too late to start again.

The small changes

A small thing I'm focused on right now is not eating past 8:00. I have a tendency to graze in the evenings, eating out of boredom. I decided I needed to make a rule for myself and started about two weeks ago. Have I been perfect? Nope, but I keep at it. I'm learning how to distract myself with other things instead of food. I had a slip up a couple of days ago where a caramel apple called my name at 8:30. I broke my rule, but I'm not giving up. Adapt and overcome.

Another thing I started doing is weighing myself daily. I know this is a dicey topic and there are many opinions on how often to weigh yourself. I've seen the entire spectrum. I have one relative who weighs themselves every few months, while I have another who weighs themselves multiple times a day. The past 9 months, I've done weekly weigh-ins. My focus was on intuitive eating, not a number. When I saw my weight hit the highest number ever, I decided I need to have more focus.

For the past week, I've been weighing myself daily. I don't obsess over the number, but I do want to use it as a gauge to how my actions impact my body. Just this morning, I was up a pound. When I was on other plans, I would freak out and treat myself like a failure. This time, I don't feel any emotional response. I simply thought back over yesterday and what happened. I probably didn't eat enough at lunch, which led to afternoon snacking. I also didn't drink my usual gallon of water, so I'm probably retaining some water. It's no big deal. Just focus on the habits. Make sure I'm eating to satisfaction and drinking my water.

The daily weigh-in is a proxy for body intuition. I don't have the skill yet to totally feel when I'm hungry and when I'm full, so I need an external indicator to help me. The body fluctuates and so the number could be a false signal but, for me, it's a helpful tool to get me focused on actions and habits. We're all different people with different goals, so don't take it as prescriptive in all cases.

So,to summarize, the small changes I'm focused on include the daily weigh-in and capping my eating at 8:00. They feel like good ways to begin and end my day.